Hey everyone! (ya I know there are only two people even following)
Anyway, this week I'm going to try and get a few reviews out - INCLUDING :
1 . Death Proof (as requested by a fan)
2. Guitar Hero : Metallica (which already has too much metallica)
3. Quaker Granola Crunchers (snack food - mmm food)
4. Kellogg's Special K Crispy Bites - Strawberry Flavor
So, look for them, as I'm going to try and post all this and hopefully more this week.
- Baked-Boy-Wonder (I dunno, just messing around and I just saw a pic of Batman and Robin) lol
3/30/09
3/20/09
Resident Evil 5 - Review
Lets break this down into several categories, shall we?
First off - Resident Evil 5 is available on both Xbox 360 and Playstation 3, I reviewed the Xbox 360 version for reference.
STORY -
The story revolves around Chris Redfield and his new partner Sheva Alomar, they are members of the B.S.A.A which stands for Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance. They have been sent into this location in Africa to try and catch a major bio-terrorist, they are put in the shit right away. As you walk through the first part of the game you have no weapons of any kind as you witness several locals beating another man. This moment for me was actually kind of confusing as you listen to the dialogue and view this man getting beat down fairly brutally. Within another few moments you meet your contact and get your weapons, now you are set to lay the fucking smack down on some zombie bitches. Your contact advises you to find someone named Irving whom is the Bio-terrorist you have come to take down. In the next few scenes you are treated to someone getting infected by being fed something (and I mean some THING). As you proceed through the game you are introduced to many other characters and some that you have seen before if you are a fan of the series, including as seen in several screenshots so it's hopefully not a spoiler by this point - Albert Wesker, whom is as always a complete asshole but also a super crazy ninja type dude. Not going to deep into the plot as not to ruin anything for others, it's a decently gripping story that moves along like a movie, has it's twists and turns and eventually you saving the entire world which is common place.
End Point - The whole thing feels just like a Resident Evil story should and has some great cutscenes to move along the story even further than in-game dialogue. Now that that has been said, WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE ZOMBIES!??!? I mean, I'm all for this biological terror thing and everything, but whatever happened to the plain old zombies? Last I saw a REAL zombie in a Resident Evil game was like - I dunno .. one of those game-cube remakes of the originals I guess?
GRAPHICS -
To say this is not a very pretty game would be a complete and utter lie. Some points of the game are so amazingly beautiful and stunning I sat there for a moment and just looked at the detail of everything. The Cutscenes are no disappointment either, they look slightly more beautiful than the gameplay as it's more polished but otherwise fits extremely well into the game. I did notice a few frame-rate struggles while playing the Merc's mode after beating the game, but that will most likely be addressed in a future patch and even then it did not happen often enough for it to matter. Infected people and animals look spot on and are very detailed, in-fact the dogs are just plain creepy...and even worse when their head explodes in two and reveals a twisted monstrosity. One of the big high-lights of the series has always been the bosses, and RE5 does not disappoint with some HUGE bosses that look incredible and also some that just look plain creepy. Lighting is also near perfect, which is most evident in the mine sequence where your partner has to hold a light for you to see and while holding said light only you can fire. Blood effects (which I'm sure is the only reason you are reading this portion about graphics) are spot on and look absolutely disgusting! When you shoot a infected villager point blank with a shotgun it can blow them into little gib-lets that is always satisfying to see.
End point - the ONLY point I really take away from the graphics is actually - a silly one, Sheva has a unlockable tribal outfit and well....the breasts on her are large enough...but - why don't they jiggle? Couldn't they have put some of those Havok physics on them so as she ran they bounced? And if they really do bounce then obviously they don't bounce enough! I mean....it's not that hard to do - Just look at Dead Or Alive - Or Ninja Gaiden 1 or 2!
SOUND -
Didn't think I'd cover this because it's not the MOST important thing, but at the same time...poor sound can cause some people to stop playing games (depending how horrific it is). RE5 has sound quality on par with all the other big names out there, and the surround works well. The weapons sound like the weapons as you would imagine them to sound. Explosions are nice and forceful and loud, along with perfect fire crackling...hehehe. The infected villagers speak in the native tongue I assume and they all sound good. Cutscenes are hit and miss, as with most Resident Evil games, some of the voice-acting is perfect......and well - some leaves a bad sound in your ear and makes you wonder if the actor was drunk during that line or possibly stoned. Music works well through-out the game as it picks up when infected people are near and when you clear them out you hear the music fade off, indicating to you and your partner that at least for that second - the coast is clear. So really there isn't too much to talk about when it comes to sound, it's good...that's about it.
End Point - Why is it even the tiniest movement that I make - no matter how small - ends with what sounds like several buckles moving around on my character? And why oh why after so so so so so so so many games and a cult classic (Resident Evil - the original) have Capcom not learned to fine tune the voices and dialogue in the game? Most of it is quite decent in this newest version, but at the same time I found myself laughing at just how out of place some of the dialogue was...not because it was the wrong words, but because the voice actor delivered it either in the wrong tone, or just drunk I guess? Oh well, I guess it's always going to just be...."It's not just a poisonous snake......it's a MON-STAR!!" - quote from Resident Evil 1 (ugh)
GAMEPLAY -
This game can be frustrating, but it's mostly because of things that Resident Evil has always done, so to expect different would be because you are new to the series. Lets get the obvious out of the way - No you cannot move while aiming ANY weapons. Now that's out of the way we can move on to the actual aiming mechanics, it's hard to tell right away where you are aiming sometimes as the little red dot can be hard to see in frantic situations so it can be a pain if you have a few infected closing in and you quickly try to aim and pop one in the head, unless you practise then I bet you just missed. Sounds about typical for a RE game so far. The biggest and really only issue I have with the gameplay is the whole partner thing, if you do NOT have a friend playing with you why oh why do you HAVE to have this stupid as shit AI character constantly getting in your way or stealing your ammo? On top of that, they are not too bright and request help every few seconds with an annoying "help me" command they can give. How I wished I could just stick a grenade up sheva's ass and let her explode in a glorious red mist. Since I couldn't do that I used her as a storage mule, giving her bare essentials so she could shoot, but making sure she held onto all my extra ammo and herbs. The only downside to THAT, is the fact it's a pain in the ass to request shit from her, it's like asking a cat to do a fucking backflip and requires no fewer than, lemmie count....1 button, 2 button, 3 button....at LEAST 3 button pushes and since the inventory is in real time now, if there are infected around you are going to get chomped as you fumble with inventory. Capcom thinks they make the game more intense for doing this, yet all it is doing is frustrating me as I try and heal myself in the middle of a fucking infected orgy. Once you get used to the gameplay though it is nice and smooth for the most part, and the few quicktime events that are actually in the game are not to hard to hit as they give you a decent amount of time to press the buttons that flash on screen. First play through the game the boss fights feel perfect and epic, and require some puzzle solving sometimes to figure out the best or easiest way to take them out.
End Point - If you are going to play this game, take my advice - play with a friend co-op and make sure you get along with them and you will have a BLAST playing. As long as they save you during the quicktime events, first one that came up ended up with me taking a chain to the face and dying, but since it was unexpected it was quite the funny moment as we laughed for a solid 30 seconds at what just happened. Capcom, for future reference, I and many others out there HATE escort missions so when you make a game that essentially is a escort mission the entire time if not playing with a friend....it can get annoying. At least give me something more than a half mentally ill, half brain damaged woman as a partner.
OVERALL -
Overall the game is very enjoyable and a must for fans of the series or people who like sort-of maybe, could, possibly resemble zombie like creatures. If you are a person who has to unlock and complete everything then this game has it all for you, 4 difficulty modes (one is unlocked after beating it on the hardest of 3), tons of unlockable trinkets and toys, and of course mercenaries mode which gives you a timer and scores you on how many bitches you kill and you even get points for killing in a combo. Personal recommendation is as stated, to play with a friend, as without one it may become more frustrating than actually fun, depending on how quickly you learn all the inventory controls. With upgrades and unlockables galore you can play for a very long time before running out of things to do, plus if on Xbox 360 at least you can strive to get the achievements, which range from finish a level, all the way to - collect all 4 types of eggs. When everything is said and done, and the credits are rolling, you feel a sense of accomplishment as you have just saved the entire freaking world! Good for you! Now try and get that elusive minigun, or infinite rocket launcher.
End Point - Overall the game is very fun and has a good amount of extras to keep you coming back for more. If you are looking for some scares thou, you are missing out....there is not a single scary portion of the game. Play with a friend if you have one or maybe just invite someone randomly online to join you and then realize they are total assholes and kick them from your game so you can go back to dealing with your half brain damaged and half mentally ill sidekick...I know I'm gonna go back online now and throw a egg in her face, just for fun...to see if she even notices......I doubt it.
TOTAL SCORE - 3/4 Baked or Percentage = 90%/100%
Screenshots :
First off - Resident Evil 5 is available on both Xbox 360 and Playstation 3, I reviewed the Xbox 360 version for reference.
STORY -
The story revolves around Chris Redfield and his new partner Sheva Alomar, they are members of the B.S.A.A which stands for Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance. They have been sent into this location in Africa to try and catch a major bio-terrorist, they are put in the shit right away. As you walk through the first part of the game you have no weapons of any kind as you witness several locals beating another man. This moment for me was actually kind of confusing as you listen to the dialogue and view this man getting beat down fairly brutally. Within another few moments you meet your contact and get your weapons, now you are set to lay the fucking smack down on some zombie bitches. Your contact advises you to find someone named Irving whom is the Bio-terrorist you have come to take down. In the next few scenes you are treated to someone getting infected by being fed something (and I mean some THING). As you proceed through the game you are introduced to many other characters and some that you have seen before if you are a fan of the series, including as seen in several screenshots so it's hopefully not a spoiler by this point - Albert Wesker, whom is as always a complete asshole but also a super crazy ninja type dude. Not going to deep into the plot as not to ruin anything for others, it's a decently gripping story that moves along like a movie, has it's twists and turns and eventually you saving the entire world which is common place.
End Point - The whole thing feels just like a Resident Evil story should and has some great cutscenes to move along the story even further than in-game dialogue. Now that that has been said, WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE ZOMBIES!??!? I mean, I'm all for this biological terror thing and everything, but whatever happened to the plain old zombies? Last I saw a REAL zombie in a Resident Evil game was like - I dunno .. one of those game-cube remakes of the originals I guess?
GRAPHICS -
To say this is not a very pretty game would be a complete and utter lie. Some points of the game are so amazingly beautiful and stunning I sat there for a moment and just looked at the detail of everything. The Cutscenes are no disappointment either, they look slightly more beautiful than the gameplay as it's more polished but otherwise fits extremely well into the game. I did notice a few frame-rate struggles while playing the Merc's mode after beating the game, but that will most likely be addressed in a future patch and even then it did not happen often enough for it to matter. Infected people and animals look spot on and are very detailed, in-fact the dogs are just plain creepy...and even worse when their head explodes in two and reveals a twisted monstrosity. One of the big high-lights of the series has always been the bosses, and RE5 does not disappoint with some HUGE bosses that look incredible and also some that just look plain creepy. Lighting is also near perfect, which is most evident in the mine sequence where your partner has to hold a light for you to see and while holding said light only you can fire. Blood effects (which I'm sure is the only reason you are reading this portion about graphics) are spot on and look absolutely disgusting! When you shoot a infected villager point blank with a shotgun it can blow them into little gib-lets that is always satisfying to see.
End point - the ONLY point I really take away from the graphics is actually - a silly one, Sheva has a unlockable tribal outfit and well....the breasts on her are large enough...but - why don't they jiggle? Couldn't they have put some of those Havok physics on them so as she ran they bounced? And if they really do bounce then obviously they don't bounce enough! I mean....it's not that hard to do - Just look at Dead Or Alive - Or Ninja Gaiden 1 or 2!
SOUND -
Didn't think I'd cover this because it's not the MOST important thing, but at the same time...poor sound can cause some people to stop playing games (depending how horrific it is). RE5 has sound quality on par with all the other big names out there, and the surround works well. The weapons sound like the weapons as you would imagine them to sound. Explosions are nice and forceful and loud, along with perfect fire crackling...hehehe. The infected villagers speak in the native tongue I assume and they all sound good. Cutscenes are hit and miss, as with most Resident Evil games, some of the voice-acting is perfect......and well - some leaves a bad sound in your ear and makes you wonder if the actor was drunk during that line or possibly stoned. Music works well through-out the game as it picks up when infected people are near and when you clear them out you hear the music fade off, indicating to you and your partner that at least for that second - the coast is clear. So really there isn't too much to talk about when it comes to sound, it's good...that's about it.
End Point - Why is it even the tiniest movement that I make - no matter how small - ends with what sounds like several buckles moving around on my character? And why oh why after so so so so so so so many games and a cult classic (Resident Evil - the original) have Capcom not learned to fine tune the voices and dialogue in the game? Most of it is quite decent in this newest version, but at the same time I found myself laughing at just how out of place some of the dialogue was...not because it was the wrong words, but because the voice actor delivered it either in the wrong tone, or just drunk I guess? Oh well, I guess it's always going to just be...."It's not just a poisonous snake......it's a MON-STAR!!" - quote from Resident Evil 1 (ugh)
GAMEPLAY -
This game can be frustrating, but it's mostly because of things that Resident Evil has always done, so to expect different would be because you are new to the series. Lets get the obvious out of the way - No you cannot move while aiming ANY weapons. Now that's out of the way we can move on to the actual aiming mechanics, it's hard to tell right away where you are aiming sometimes as the little red dot can be hard to see in frantic situations so it can be a pain if you have a few infected closing in and you quickly try to aim and pop one in the head, unless you practise then I bet you just missed. Sounds about typical for a RE game so far. The biggest and really only issue I have with the gameplay is the whole partner thing, if you do NOT have a friend playing with you why oh why do you HAVE to have this stupid as shit AI character constantly getting in your way or stealing your ammo? On top of that, they are not too bright and request help every few seconds with an annoying "help me" command they can give. How I wished I could just stick a grenade up sheva's ass and let her explode in a glorious red mist. Since I couldn't do that I used her as a storage mule, giving her bare essentials so she could shoot, but making sure she held onto all my extra ammo and herbs. The only downside to THAT, is the fact it's a pain in the ass to request shit from her, it's like asking a cat to do a fucking backflip and requires no fewer than, lemmie count....1 button, 2 button, 3 button....at LEAST 3 button pushes and since the inventory is in real time now, if there are infected around you are going to get chomped as you fumble with inventory. Capcom thinks they make the game more intense for doing this, yet all it is doing is frustrating me as I try and heal myself in the middle of a fucking infected orgy. Once you get used to the gameplay though it is nice and smooth for the most part, and the few quicktime events that are actually in the game are not to hard to hit as they give you a decent amount of time to press the buttons that flash on screen. First play through the game the boss fights feel perfect and epic, and require some puzzle solving sometimes to figure out the best or easiest way to take them out.
End Point - If you are going to play this game, take my advice - play with a friend co-op and make sure you get along with them and you will have a BLAST playing. As long as they save you during the quicktime events, first one that came up ended up with me taking a chain to the face and dying, but since it was unexpected it was quite the funny moment as we laughed for a solid 30 seconds at what just happened. Capcom, for future reference, I and many others out there HATE escort missions so when you make a game that essentially is a escort mission the entire time if not playing with a friend....it can get annoying. At least give me something more than a half mentally ill, half brain damaged woman as a partner.
OVERALL -
Overall the game is very enjoyable and a must for fans of the series or people who like sort-of maybe, could, possibly resemble zombie like creatures. If you are a person who has to unlock and complete everything then this game has it all for you, 4 difficulty modes (one is unlocked after beating it on the hardest of 3), tons of unlockable trinkets and toys, and of course mercenaries mode which gives you a timer and scores you on how many bitches you kill and you even get points for killing in a combo. Personal recommendation is as stated, to play with a friend, as without one it may become more frustrating than actually fun, depending on how quickly you learn all the inventory controls. With upgrades and unlockables galore you can play for a very long time before running out of things to do, plus if on Xbox 360 at least you can strive to get the achievements, which range from finish a level, all the way to - collect all 4 types of eggs. When everything is said and done, and the credits are rolling, you feel a sense of accomplishment as you have just saved the entire freaking world! Good for you! Now try and get that elusive minigun, or infinite rocket launcher.
End Point - Overall the game is very fun and has a good amount of extras to keep you coming back for more. If you are looking for some scares thou, you are missing out....there is not a single scary portion of the game. Play with a friend if you have one or maybe just invite someone randomly online to join you and then realize they are total assholes and kick them from your game so you can go back to dealing with your half brain damaged and half mentally ill sidekick...I know I'm gonna go back online now and throw a egg in her face, just for fun...to see if she even notices......I doubt it.
TOTAL SCORE - 3/4 Baked or Percentage = 90%/100%
Screenshots :
3/17/09
Next Review - Not what expected.
Sorry to my only follower - Death Proof's review is coming, it's just taking me some time...I need to like, not be so lazy and actually watch it (again) and write it.
In the meantime for anyone following this otherwise or friends of mine whom read...
The next review will most likely be the Multi-Platform Videogame Resident Evil 5, having recently purchased it and played through the entire thing in nearly one very high sitting.
Help get this site/blog off the ground! Let friends know and more will appear in terms of content as well....there are a few different things I have going on, so I'm trying to keep it all updated as much as possible.
See you all soon enough with more!
In the meantime for anyone following this otherwise or friends of mine whom read...
The next review will most likely be the Multi-Platform Videogame Resident Evil 5, having recently purchased it and played through the entire thing in nearly one very high sitting.
Help get this site/blog off the ground! Let friends know and more will appear in terms of content as well....there are a few different things I have going on, so I'm trying to keep it all updated as much as possible.
See you all soon enough with more!
3/12/09
Grindhouse Top 10 WTF moments - Part 2
Good evening fellow stoners!
Lets get right into it -
5. "Where Are My Men?" -
Fighting your way through many bad guys and then finally getting to Bruce Willis' character we have Abby and Wray being total badasses. They approach B.W with guns already drawn and B.W asks - "Where Are My Men?" and is thrown a bag as Abby says "I've got several right here." Asking the obvious question "What fucks this?" B.W asks and sure enough the answer is - "There balls sweetheart." then he holsters his blood covered knife. So hold on a second here, in the very short time they have escaped and made their way to this area, they had enough time after dispatching each guard to chop off thier balls and put them in a plastic bag and even tie it off? - WTF!?!
4. My Junk Is Melting! -
A few moments before #5 up there we had Tarantino show up and decide he is going to get his dick wet, which he obviously means Cherry Darling and Dakota whom he is going to have his way with. So desperate he's going to essentially rape a one legged stripper, that's just sad to begin with. As he takes his pants off and starts to shamble towards Cherry althou this is after Cherry has already broken her wooden leg off in his eye, so it makes it even more creepy. So pretty much instantly after taking his pants off we get a nice OMG WTF reaction shot of Cherry and the other solider in the room and also of Dakota, then we realize why. The mans penis is literally melting off because he hasen't had his dose of gas or something, but the main point is - WTF?!? It's just melting off?!!? like totally - dripping all over the place...
3. Nicolas Cage's Cameo/ more fake trailers -
Planet Terror has come to an end, so it's time to move on to Death Proof. Before that can happen time for more fake trailers! This time we have - Werewolf Women Of The SS, Don't (one of my favs), and Thanksgiving (one of the more disturbing ones). So there are a few WTF moments here, one being Nick Cage being in one of the movie trailers (albeit short) as no one I don't think expected that and it's a insane looking role anyway. Another WTF is Don't which is just a ridiculous trailer to begin with but looks entertaining. AND finally - Thanksgiving - which includes several WTF moments - Including - a man getting his head chopped off and stumbling around for quite some time squirting blood before dying, someone fucking a small turkey which has the head of a human male sewn onto it, a cheerleader who lands pussy first onto a knife, a woman giving a guy a blowjob in his car as a Tgiving day gift I guess (which includes some funny as hell sounds) and while giving said job his head gets lopped off and she swallows the now decapitated guys load (you hear a loud gulp sound- hahaha), Same woman making out with a guy and he gets decapitated while they are making out (again loud hilarious sounds) and she's left holding a head as the body falls away. No more spoiling more, there's so many in the one trailer..... just - WTF? lol
2. Car Accident #1 - Death Proof -
Well I'm actually glad I made it down to two for Death Proof as there is really only 2 WTF moments in Death Proof and the first is actually quite a ways into the movie - at nearly the 2 hour and 10 min mark of the entire feature. We have Stunt Man Mike (played by Kurt Russell) whom has just offered a woman a ride home from the bar. We get to the road and he basically asks her where she's headed, which is the wrong way. Anyway we get to see him pretty much kill her by slamming on the breaks of his car while going WAYYYYY to fast and her pretty face bounces off the dash and now she just ain't to pretty. This isn't the main WTF thou, the main one comes a moment later as Stunt Man Mike chases down a car with 4 beautiful women in it. He races past them on a dark lonely road and gets far enough ahead, spins around 180 and turns his lights off. The women have no clue and are relaxin with the radio blaring and windows down, leg out the window and generally clueless. Mike revs his engine and speeds towards them, flipping his lights on at the last second we are treated to this car crash 4 different times from 4 different angles. Showing us exactly what happens to each of the women in the car. and - WTF!??! ahhaha I loved this scene. Pics below are of crash and one for each of the woman in the red car.
1. The Entire Last Car Chase/Stunt Man Mike Gets Owned -
Now since I didn't do this in normal top ten fashion - #1 being best moment. This gets tops honors as being the last thing in the movie. Not to ruin the entire movie for you guys, we have another group of women this time and they are stunt women actually. As they race around the back roads they attract the attention of Stunt Man Mike whom chases them, and causes some serious damage. Downside is - Stunt Man Mike gets shot, well more grazed really but a bullet. Funny WTF moment would be when Mike gets away to tend to his wounds we find out he is a TOTAL pussy, he's crying about it and whining the entire time. Then the women find him and we end up with a total roughly 15 min car chase that ends spectacularly and actually ends up being the end of the movie. Credits roll and all is nice and happy. - ahhaha
So that's it for tonight my fellow stoners - sorry bout not including more pics for #1 but to be honest, I'd rather suggest you go rent the movie and watch it. I love car chases and this ending one was one of my all time favorites so I didn't want to spoil toooo much.
If you have any requests for a top ten list or even just a review of a movie - please let me know and I will do my best to accomodate.
Good Night!
P.S - I have not decided AT all what my next article will be - so time will tell, but I am trying to post something if not daily then at least every few days.
Lets get right into it -
5. "Where Are My Men?" -
Fighting your way through many bad guys and then finally getting to Bruce Willis' character we have Abby and Wray being total badasses. They approach B.W with guns already drawn and B.W asks - "Where Are My Men?" and is thrown a bag as Abby says "I've got several right here." Asking the obvious question "What fucks this?" B.W asks and sure enough the answer is - "There balls sweetheart." then he holsters his blood covered knife. So hold on a second here, in the very short time they have escaped and made their way to this area, they had enough time after dispatching each guard to chop off thier balls and put them in a plastic bag and even tie it off? - WTF!?!
4. My Junk Is Melting! -
A few moments before #5 up there we had Tarantino show up and decide he is going to get his dick wet, which he obviously means Cherry Darling and Dakota whom he is going to have his way with. So desperate he's going to essentially rape a one legged stripper, that's just sad to begin with. As he takes his pants off and starts to shamble towards Cherry althou this is after Cherry has already broken her wooden leg off in his eye, so it makes it even more creepy. So pretty much instantly after taking his pants off we get a nice OMG WTF reaction shot of Cherry and the other solider in the room and also of Dakota, then we realize why. The mans penis is literally melting off because he hasen't had his dose of gas or something, but the main point is - WTF?!? It's just melting off?!!? like totally - dripping all over the place...
3. Nicolas Cage's Cameo/ more fake trailers -
Planet Terror has come to an end, so it's time to move on to Death Proof. Before that can happen time for more fake trailers! This time we have - Werewolf Women Of The SS, Don't (one of my favs), and Thanksgiving (one of the more disturbing ones). So there are a few WTF moments here, one being Nick Cage being in one of the movie trailers (albeit short) as no one I don't think expected that and it's a insane looking role anyway. Another WTF is Don't which is just a ridiculous trailer to begin with but looks entertaining. AND finally - Thanksgiving - which includes several WTF moments - Including - a man getting his head chopped off and stumbling around for quite some time squirting blood before dying, someone fucking a small turkey which has the head of a human male sewn onto it, a cheerleader who lands pussy first onto a knife, a woman giving a guy a blowjob in his car as a Tgiving day gift I guess (which includes some funny as hell sounds) and while giving said job his head gets lopped off and she swallows the now decapitated guys load (you hear a loud gulp sound- hahaha), Same woman making out with a guy and he gets decapitated while they are making out (again loud hilarious sounds) and she's left holding a head as the body falls away. No more spoiling more, there's so many in the one trailer..... just - WTF? lol
2. Car Accident #1 - Death Proof -
Well I'm actually glad I made it down to two for Death Proof as there is really only 2 WTF moments in Death Proof and the first is actually quite a ways into the movie - at nearly the 2 hour and 10 min mark of the entire feature. We have Stunt Man Mike (played by Kurt Russell) whom has just offered a woman a ride home from the bar. We get to the road and he basically asks her where she's headed, which is the wrong way. Anyway we get to see him pretty much kill her by slamming on the breaks of his car while going WAYYYYY to fast and her pretty face bounces off the dash and now she just ain't to pretty. This isn't the main WTF thou, the main one comes a moment later as Stunt Man Mike chases down a car with 4 beautiful women in it. He races past them on a dark lonely road and gets far enough ahead, spins around 180 and turns his lights off. The women have no clue and are relaxin with the radio blaring and windows down, leg out the window and generally clueless. Mike revs his engine and speeds towards them, flipping his lights on at the last second we are treated to this car crash 4 different times from 4 different angles. Showing us exactly what happens to each of the women in the car. and - WTF!??! ahhaha I loved this scene. Pics below are of crash and one for each of the woman in the red car.
1. The Entire Last Car Chase/Stunt Man Mike Gets Owned -
Now since I didn't do this in normal top ten fashion - #1 being best moment. This gets tops honors as being the last thing in the movie. Not to ruin the entire movie for you guys, we have another group of women this time and they are stunt women actually. As they race around the back roads they attract the attention of Stunt Man Mike whom chases them, and causes some serious damage. Downside is - Stunt Man Mike gets shot, well more grazed really but a bullet. Funny WTF moment would be when Mike gets away to tend to his wounds we find out he is a TOTAL pussy, he's crying about it and whining the entire time. Then the women find him and we end up with a total roughly 15 min car chase that ends spectacularly and actually ends up being the end of the movie. Credits roll and all is nice and happy. - ahhaha
So that's it for tonight my fellow stoners - sorry bout not including more pics for #1 but to be honest, I'd rather suggest you go rent the movie and watch it. I love car chases and this ending one was one of my all time favorites so I didn't want to spoil toooo much.
If you have any requests for a top ten list or even just a review of a movie - please let me know and I will do my best to accomodate.
Good Night!
P.S - I have not decided AT all what my next article will be - so time will tell, but I am trying to post something if not daily then at least every few days.
3/11/09
Oh My God! - South Park Season 13 Episode 1
Good evening everyone!
Ok, I have not finished watching the newest episode of south park just yet, but I needed to get this down while it has just happened or I fear my terrible memory might not serve me well.
Tonight's episode so far features Kenny whom has a girlfriend now, he hears a vicious rumor about her that she gave a blow-job to a boy behind T.G.I.Fridays. Kenny gets to the bottom of it quickly by asking his girlfriend to go there and she admits it right away, but the story is - she had just watched The Jonas Brothers on Disney Channel or something and she basically got horny.
Kenny's masterful plan comes into play when the Jonas Brothers are doing a live concert, he buys two tickets and takes his girl. -
Now - this part is where I have paused it and literally exclaimed out loud - OH MY GOD!
Reasoning - see the below images and see if you notice anything.
The Jonas Brothers take the stage and they start signing "I'm ready.....to get it on."
The crowd reacts right away.....cheering is heard... but....wait...what the f is that?
That is a close up of the one girl in the bottom right...and - her facial expression looks odd, but wait...where is her hand!??!
Now before you blast me and say this DID NOT HAPPEN?!?! - more
The only thing I added to that picture is the arrows pointing to what appears to be THREE girls all - well - masturbating. There is indeed more, this was only ONE crowd shot during this very very short scene.
I had to come back *edit* - one more - a few moments later - I count 7 all doing it!! Geeze!
I'll be more surprised if no one notices and this goes under the radar....but...I know South Park has taken TV as close to the - well - line as possible...but - just -- WOW..
Take it however you wish.
- Back to the rest of the show.
*EDIT* - Ok, now being 17minutes into the show (so right near the end) it actually got worse with, well, I'll just say it - The Jonas Brothers just shot warm white foam all over a crowd of little girls...and well I just don't have proper words to describe not only how much I laughed at this episode so far, but also how wrong this whole episode is seeming to be. Watch it yourself and see, it will be airing this Friday night @ 9 on the Comedy Network in Canada, and I assume it is available already on Comedy Centrals website.
And I leave you with a laugh - Someone else was at the concert too, and they were "enjoying it" as well.
P.S - Part 2 of the Grindhouse top 10 WTF moments will be later tonight, after south park.
Ok, I have not finished watching the newest episode of south park just yet, but I needed to get this down while it has just happened or I fear my terrible memory might not serve me well.
Tonight's episode so far features Kenny whom has a girlfriend now, he hears a vicious rumor about her that she gave a blow-job to a boy behind T.G.I.Fridays. Kenny gets to the bottom of it quickly by asking his girlfriend to go there and she admits it right away, but the story is - she had just watched The Jonas Brothers on Disney Channel or something and she basically got horny.
Kenny's masterful plan comes into play when the Jonas Brothers are doing a live concert, he buys two tickets and takes his girl. -
Now - this part is where I have paused it and literally exclaimed out loud - OH MY GOD!
Reasoning - see the below images and see if you notice anything.
The Jonas Brothers take the stage and they start signing "I'm ready.....to get it on."
The crowd reacts right away.....cheering is heard... but....wait...what the f is that?
That is a close up of the one girl in the bottom right...and - her facial expression looks odd, but wait...where is her hand!??!
Now before you blast me and say this DID NOT HAPPEN?!?! - more
The only thing I added to that picture is the arrows pointing to what appears to be THREE girls all - well - masturbating. There is indeed more, this was only ONE crowd shot during this very very short scene.
I had to come back *edit* - one more - a few moments later - I count 7 all doing it!! Geeze!
I'll be more surprised if no one notices and this goes under the radar....but...I know South Park has taken TV as close to the - well - line as possible...but - just -- WOW..
Take it however you wish.
- Back to the rest of the show.
*EDIT* - Ok, now being 17minutes into the show (so right near the end) it actually got worse with, well, I'll just say it - The Jonas Brothers just shot warm white foam all over a crowd of little girls...and well I just don't have proper words to describe not only how much I laughed at this episode so far, but also how wrong this whole episode is seeming to be. Watch it yourself and see, it will be airing this Friday night @ 9 on the Comedy Network in Canada, and I assume it is available already on Comedy Centrals website.
And I leave you with a laugh - Someone else was at the concert too, and they were "enjoying it" as well.
P.S - Part 2 of the Grindhouse top 10 WTF moments will be later tonight, after south park.
Top 10 WTF moments in - Grindhouse - Theatrical Cut - Post 1 of 2
So in all the messed up movies I see there are always those moments that make you go, "wait....What the fuck?" and this little piece, since I don't have a full review written at the moment is going to be - the top 10 WHAT THE FUCK moments in - Grindhouse Theatrical Cut. (I may make adjustments as I go)
Grindhouse was in my own opinion a milestone for movie going audiences, 2 full length movies, 3 hour runtime, complete and utter over-the-topness of the whole movie. It was a great thing for the cost of admission. Staying with the grindhouse feel to the movie they also included fake movie trailers in-between and before the feature(s). The Filmmakers also used some digital effects to add in film grain to help with the older style feature, even going as far to have portions of the movie "missing", as in a missing reel of film. Anyway, without further ado, the top 10 WTF moments.
11 - HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN -
I wanted to include this on the list but I can't include it on the main list for the fact that this fake movie trailer apparently only was in Canada, and it's not on any of the DVD releases as of yet. To re-cap my own experience with this it will explain why it is sort-of on the list. When friends and I all went to see the movie opening night, we had obviously had ourselves a nice toke before the movie, as usual. Sitting down in the dark theatre awaiting the movie to start, the lights dim excitement builds as the coming attractions start.....One normal trailer for something you know is coming soon, sweet....some small talk as the next trailer starts and we are treated to this --
And then immediately following that trailer it continues with several normal trailers and then the movie. Knowing there was going to be fake trailers even did not have me expecting them to put one randomly into the normal trailers lineup.....so that would be my first WTF moment of the movie.
10. "I Also Want Your Balls" -
After only 9 minutes into the movie we get to see that Abby (played by Naveen Andrews) is a little upset that his specimens are gone (of what we don't know just yet). The character Romy is attempting to explain but Abby decides that instead of oh I don't know something more normal, his assistant pulls out this jar filled with something that doesn't look to pleasant. Whipping out a very large knife Abby declares "I'm afraid I need your balls" which indicates that the jar is filled with testicles and also that they are about to hold this man down and cut his testicles out. WHAT THE F!?
9. Medical Exam Of Bite -
We get to the hospital only 10 minutes from the last WTF moment and well, I don't know how to put this one. Doctor Block is looking after a patient who has been bit by something which he won't tell us, althou we know it's a zombie/mutant thing. While looking at his bite, the doctor in the background is pulling up all these sick pictures of crazy infections from all over and that starts the WTF. Continuing while all this is happening the doctor at the computer seems way to calm about the whole thing. Finishing off the WTF is a moment later when Dr.Block decides to squeeze on a gross boil/bubble thing in the patients mouth that proceeds to squirt out and onto the good Dr. WTF?!
Grindhouse was in my own opinion a milestone for movie going audiences, 2 full length movies, 3 hour runtime, complete and utter over-the-topness of the whole movie. It was a great thing for the cost of admission. Staying with the grindhouse feel to the movie they also included fake movie trailers in-between and before the feature(s). The Filmmakers also used some digital effects to add in film grain to help with the older style feature, even going as far to have portions of the movie "missing", as in a missing reel of film. Anyway, without further ado, the top 10 WTF moments.
11 - HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN -
I wanted to include this on the list but I can't include it on the main list for the fact that this fake movie trailer apparently only was in Canada, and it's not on any of the DVD releases as of yet. To re-cap my own experience with this it will explain why it is sort-of on the list. When friends and I all went to see the movie opening night, we had obviously had ourselves a nice toke before the movie, as usual. Sitting down in the dark theatre awaiting the movie to start, the lights dim excitement builds as the coming attractions start.....One normal trailer for something you know is coming soon, sweet....some small talk as the next trailer starts and we are treated to this --
And then immediately following that trailer it continues with several normal trailers and then the movie. Knowing there was going to be fake trailers even did not have me expecting them to put one randomly into the normal trailers lineup.....so that would be my first WTF moment of the movie.
10. "I Also Want Your Balls" -
After only 9 minutes into the movie we get to see that Abby (played by Naveen Andrews) is a little upset that his specimens are gone (of what we don't know just yet). The character Romy is attempting to explain but Abby decides that instead of oh I don't know something more normal, his assistant pulls out this jar filled with something that doesn't look to pleasant. Whipping out a very large knife Abby declares "I'm afraid I need your balls" which indicates that the jar is filled with testicles and also that they are about to hold this man down and cut his testicles out. WHAT THE F!?
9. Medical Exam Of Bite -
We get to the hospital only 10 minutes from the last WTF moment and well, I don't know how to put this one. Doctor Block is looking after a patient who has been bit by something which he won't tell us, althou we know it's a zombie/mutant thing. While looking at his bite, the doctor in the background is pulling up all these sick pictures of crazy infections from all over and that starts the WTF. Continuing while all this is happening the doctor at the computer seems way to calm about the whole thing. Finishing off the WTF is a moment later when Dr.Block decides to squeeze on a gross boil/bubble thing in the patients mouth that proceeds to squirt out and onto the good Dr. WTF?!
8. Car Door Hand Break -
Comparing this to the other WTF moments might not be nearly as shocking, and unfortunately the pictures don't do this scene justice. Dr. Dakota Block is escaping from the hospital which has basically broken out with zombie/mutant things and general chaos has broken out. She makes a run for her car in the parking lot, but her hands are still nearly unusable thanks to her husband injecting her with anesthsea. Getting to the car she realizes she can't open it without use of her hands and decides to put her hand in the hanlde awkwardly and try and use her foot to push the button to open the door. As anyone could probably tell this was not a good idea as she slips and breaks her hand. The reason I wanted to include it on the list is the impact of it, the sound of her hand breaking and of course her screaming from the pain of it equals What the fuck!?>
Comparing this to the other WTF moments might not be nearly as shocking, and unfortunately the pictures don't do this scene justice. Dr. Dakota Block is escaping from the hospital which has basically broken out with zombie/mutant things and general chaos has broken out. She makes a run for her car in the parking lot, but her hands are still nearly unusable thanks to her husband injecting her with anesthsea. Getting to the car she realizes she can't open it without use of her hands and decides to put her hand in the hanlde awkwardly and try and use her foot to push the button to open the door. As anyone could probably tell this was not a good idea as she slips and breaks her hand. The reason I wanted to include it on the list is the impact of it, the sound of her hand breaking and of course her screaming from the pain of it equals What the fuck!?>
7. Parenting of the year award! -
The same smart smart woman from number 8 is back again! This time she decides to tell her small child to use a gun that was in the glove box to defend himself in the car incase monsters try and get him. First off? He's a kid, even if he knew what he was doing properly I doubt the recoil would be something he could handle. Let us continue with this for the moment. Before leaving the child in the car she advises him to shoot anyone that comes to the car that isn't her to shoot them in the head, just like his video games. Getting out and closing the door is all good as she starts to walk towards the house....and..... *BANG!* the gun goes off and the kid has already managed to shoot himself in the head. WTF>?! Well - at least he's got decent enough aim!
The same smart smart woman from number 8 is back again! This time she decides to tell her small child to use a gun that was in the glove box to defend himself in the car incase monsters try and get him. First off? He's a kid, even if he knew what he was doing properly I doubt the recoil would be something he could handle. Let us continue with this for the moment. Before leaving the child in the car she advises him to shoot anyone that comes to the car that isn't her to shoot them in the head, just like his video games. Getting out and closing the door is all good as she starts to walk towards the house....and..... *BANG!* the gun goes off and the kid has already managed to shoot himself in the head. WTF>?! Well - at least he's got decent enough aim!
6. Film Reel Burns and missing!? -
Knowing this is part of the movie and the way it was ment to be is always something to keep in mind, but when the going is getting good - aka - sex scene or some nice tits and ass the film strip pauses a moment then burns up into nothing-ness. Once that is done we are treated to a quick note advising us of a Missing Reel. No biggie, a missing sex scene isn't the end of the world, lets continue then we say as we wait for the movie to kick back in. Suddenly we are back in the movie and the entire building they were in is up in flames, and the sherrif has been injured and we don't know how...oh and some sort of crazy plot point about Wray was revealed and we are now totally lost. - What the Fuck!?
Knowing this is part of the movie and the way it was ment to be is always something to keep in mind, but when the going is getting good - aka - sex scene or some nice tits and ass the film strip pauses a moment then burns up into nothing-ness. Once that is done we are treated to a quick note advising us of a Missing Reel. No biggie, a missing sex scene isn't the end of the world, lets continue then we say as we wait for the movie to kick back in. Suddenly we are back in the movie and the entire building they were in is up in flames, and the sherrif has been injured and we don't know how...oh and some sort of crazy plot point about Wray was revealed and we are now totally lost. - What the Fuck!?
3/8/09
Rock Band 8 Track Review - Guitar
I wanna try this at least once this week, and right now seems like a decent time. When I say once a week or something I'm thinking I may switch it up, one week guitar one week bass, drums and etc....but no singing as I suck at that, Seriously.
I'm gonna play 8 nearly random songs on Rock Band 2, Playing Guitar on Expert and judge them based on difficulty and fun, and I'll try and either post links or videos of the songs in question.
I have almost all the downloaded ones since release so that's like 500+ songs so without further ado, the first 8 songs.
Oh I forgot to mention, yea I'm stoned again now so - it's another fully baked review.
1. Just What I Needed - The Cars. Difficulty= 4 Fun = 6
It's not the hardest song and has quite a nice solo that isn't so hard that you fail it every time. The song even starts on a nice intro which gradually gets a bit harder then stays about the same, it's a good start to the song. Overall if you like the song or the Cars in general it's a good download but don't expect a large challenge.
2. Baba O'Riley - The Who. Difficulty = 4 Fun = 7.5
Ok, first thing to note is the guitarist is the LAST person to join the song, I was sitting here wondering when the hell I get a note, even the bassist is playing before I am! YARGH! After the long long wait to play, it starts of and seems like a joke, it's much too easy. You play along that for a while and it never seems to get too hard really, even the solo isn't to hard, but the ending is so much fun to not only hear, but play. So similar to #1 if you like the song or the Who then it's quite fun, plus a lot of people know the song so they can usually enjoy it with you.
3. Shoot The Runner - Kasabian. Difficulty = 4.5 Fun = 7.6
Not only does the song take a moment to get going, but it really presents itself with a good beat and overall a catch tune right off the bat, and it's not to hard making it a very fun song to start with and it getting a higher fun factor, plus ending a song like that on a solo is always a good little additional fun. I'd really give this one a listen at least as it's got a interesting sound to it.
I'm gonna play 8 nearly random songs on Rock Band 2, Playing Guitar on Expert and judge them based on difficulty and fun, and I'll try and either post links or videos of the songs in question.
I have almost all the downloaded ones since release so that's like 500+ songs so without further ado, the first 8 songs.
Oh I forgot to mention, yea I'm stoned again now so - it's another fully baked review.
1. Just What I Needed - The Cars. Difficulty= 4 Fun = 6
It's not the hardest song and has quite a nice solo that isn't so hard that you fail it every time. The song even starts on a nice intro which gradually gets a bit harder then stays about the same, it's a good start to the song. Overall if you like the song or the Cars in general it's a good download but don't expect a large challenge.
2. Baba O'Riley - The Who. Difficulty = 4 Fun = 7.5
Ok, first thing to note is the guitarist is the LAST person to join the song, I was sitting here wondering when the hell I get a note, even the bassist is playing before I am! YARGH! After the long long wait to play, it starts of and seems like a joke, it's much too easy. You play along that for a while and it never seems to get too hard really, even the solo isn't to hard, but the ending is so much fun to not only hear, but play. So similar to #1 if you like the song or the Who then it's quite fun, plus a lot of people know the song so they can usually enjoy it with you.
3. Shoot The Runner - Kasabian. Difficulty = 4.5 Fun = 7.6
Not only does the song take a moment to get going, but it really presents itself with a good beat and overall a catch tune right off the bat, and it's not to hard making it a very fun song to start with and it getting a higher fun factor, plus ending a song like that on a solo is always a good little additional fun. I'd really give this one a listen at least as it's got a interesting sound to it.
4. Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd. Difficulty = 6 Fun = 8.3
Starting the song off on a high note constant finger movement is needed to get through the beginning of this song, and then it settles into a nice calm chill, until solo time comes in and it throws you for a little bit of a loop before cooling you down as you play the song out. This song is one of my favorites in the game just for the simplicity of the whole thing and no I didn't mean to make that terrible pun, sorry guys.
5. In Bloom - Nirvana. Difficulty = 3.5 Fun = 6.7
A song most twenty-something and teenager would most likely know, but is it fun to play while baked? It is, but only because it's really easy and doesn't offer much challenge meaning you can sit back relax and even sing along a bit, because you know you are going to, even if you are saying right now you won't....you will. Anyway, decent all the way though, nothing too exciting that makes this stand out from anything else.
6. Rock Rebellion - Bang Camaro. Difficulty = 8.4 Fun = 8
This song is a overall great song, from the catchy guitar rhythm that is still stuck in my head to the not too difficult but difficult enough for a stoner solo which really caught me off guard. Everything seemed to tie together well for this song, it was difficult yes but fun as well.
7. Space Truckin' - Deep Purple. Difficulty = 7.6 Fun = 9
"Yea! Yea! Yea! Space Truckin!!!" Oh pardon me, that song is just so much fun all rolled into a song that isn't toooo hard except for a few harder parts throughout the song. It's got a great memorable guitar portion and for most stoners I know the song as a whole is really good to listen to, and heck if you are playing a portion of it? It's even more wicked that just listening!
8. Rock N Roll Dream - Crooked X. Difficulty = 4.6 Fun = 4.7
It's not that difficult of a song, except maybe the 2nd solo which is a little bit harder than the rest of the song. It's also not a fairly memorable song, like it's not something that I have ever felt like thats the song I need to play. So it's mostly forgettable. In the end with this song, its all about if you like the song or not.
And now - I'm off to watch The Simpsons and Family guy.
Starting the song off on a high note constant finger movement is needed to get through the beginning of this song, and then it settles into a nice calm chill, until solo time comes in and it throws you for a little bit of a loop before cooling you down as you play the song out. This song is one of my favorites in the game just for the simplicity of the whole thing and no I didn't mean to make that terrible pun, sorry guys.
5. In Bloom - Nirvana. Difficulty = 3.5 Fun = 6.7
A song most twenty-something and teenager would most likely know, but is it fun to play while baked? It is, but only because it's really easy and doesn't offer much challenge meaning you can sit back relax and even sing along a bit, because you know you are going to, even if you are saying right now you won't....you will. Anyway, decent all the way though, nothing too exciting that makes this stand out from anything else.
6. Rock Rebellion - Bang Camaro. Difficulty = 8.4 Fun = 8
This song is a overall great song, from the catchy guitar rhythm that is still stuck in my head to the not too difficult but difficult enough for a stoner solo which really caught me off guard. Everything seemed to tie together well for this song, it was difficult yes but fun as well.
7. Space Truckin' - Deep Purple. Difficulty = 7.6 Fun = 9
"Yea! Yea! Yea! Space Truckin!!!" Oh pardon me, that song is just so much fun all rolled into a song that isn't toooo hard except for a few harder parts throughout the song. It's got a great memorable guitar portion and for most stoners I know the song as a whole is really good to listen to, and heck if you are playing a portion of it? It's even more wicked that just listening!
8. Rock N Roll Dream - Crooked X. Difficulty = 4.6 Fun = 4.7
It's not that difficult of a song, except maybe the 2nd solo which is a little bit harder than the rest of the song. It's also not a fairly memorable song, like it's not something that I have ever felt like thats the song I need to play. So it's mostly forgettable. In the end with this song, its all about if you like the song or not.
And now - I'm off to watch The Simpsons and Family guy.
Seven - Fully Baked Reviews
First Review -
Release Date: 1995
Director: David Fincher
Starring: Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Gwyneth Paltrow
Tagline: "Seven deadly sins. Seven ways to die."
Random Trivia: The word "fuck" and its derivatives are said a discernible 74 times throughout the movie, mostly by Brad Pitt.
High I was on - Bong hits (several throughout movie)
Synopsis - First 30 minutes (because as a stoner, I usually expect some hooks to keep me watching past this point)
To make a point quickly, I love it when movies do the sort of thing that was done here, the movie started right away with a creepy and gross murder scene even before the opening credits roll! So far so good. Although not much is really learned about the movie's plot, we get our nice little intros to both main characters. Both Brad Pitt, and Morgan Freeman. I really don't want to bother learning the characters names so it's easier if I just say it's B.P and M.F for them. Hopefully you can follow along? I know I can't.
Screengrab during opening credits (click for larger image)
The opening credits do a decent enough job of grabbing my attention right away with some Nine Inch Nails in the background and some really odd imagery going on it all blends together well leading in to the movie which is.
On Monday we are treated to the first real murder and of course it's in a creepy part of town it seems and going inside we find lots of cans of tomato sauce and oh wait, there's a big fat guy face down in a bowl of pasta. Which reminds me, I have some pasta in the fridge which I'm gonna go eat. Here's a picture of the Fat Man while I go eat.
Ok, so coming back from eating I realized since this isn't live or anything I didn't have to tell you I was going to go eat, so I'm sorry. No I'm not deleting it, that requires more effort that I don't want to expend. Anyways, back with the movie. We find out that the fat-man was forced to eat himself to death. He literally exploded after being fed for 12 hours when the killer kicked him. While presenting what they have found out to the chief he believes it is the begining of something bigger, to which the chief does not agree. M.F is a damn smart detective!
Tuesday's Murder Scene - Greed (click for larger)
Moving onto Tuesday - Another murder this time higher profile, a Defence Attorney. Brad Pitt walked right past all the reporters and headed straight for the scene, and as he is walking through the halls he is hearing other colleges making short-handed comments about him. Whilst B.P is looking at this case we see M.F looking around the crime scene for the first murder and finds the word Gluttony smeared into a pile of lard on the wall behind the fridge. M.F is doing all right, he looked behind the fridge after comparing some clues to the scene! Clever Girl!
Gluttony scribed into the grease (click for larger)
Release Date: 1995
Director: David Fincher
Starring: Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, Gwyneth Paltrow
Tagline: "Seven deadly sins. Seven ways to die."
Random Trivia: The word "fuck" and its derivatives are said a discernible 74 times throughout the movie, mostly by Brad Pitt.
High I was on - Bong hits (several throughout movie)
Synopsis - First 30 minutes (because as a stoner, I usually expect some hooks to keep me watching past this point)
To make a point quickly, I love it when movies do the sort of thing that was done here, the movie started right away with a creepy and gross murder scene even before the opening credits roll! So far so good. Although not much is really learned about the movie's plot, we get our nice little intros to both main characters. Both Brad Pitt, and Morgan Freeman. I really don't want to bother learning the characters names so it's easier if I just say it's B.P and M.F for them. Hopefully you can follow along? I know I can't.
Screengrab during opening credits (click for larger image)
On Monday we are treated to the first real murder and of course it's in a creepy part of town it seems and going inside we find lots of cans of tomato sauce and oh wait, there's a big fat guy face down in a bowl of pasta. Which reminds me, I have some pasta in the fridge which I'm gonna go eat. Here's a picture of the Fat Man while I go eat.
Ok, so coming back from eating I realized since this isn't live or anything I didn't have to tell you I was going to go eat, so I'm sorry. No I'm not deleting it, that requires more effort that I don't want to expend. Anyways, back with the movie. We find out that the fat-man was forced to eat himself to death. He literally exploded after being fed for 12 hours when the killer kicked him. While presenting what they have found out to the chief he believes it is the begining of something bigger, to which the chief does not agree. M.F is a damn smart detective!
Tuesday's Murder Scene - Greed (click for larger)
Moving onto Tuesday - Another murder this time higher profile, a Defence Attorney. Brad Pitt walked right past all the reporters and headed straight for the scene, and as he is walking through the halls he is hearing other colleges making short-handed comments about him. Whilst B.P is looking at this case we see M.F looking around the crime scene for the first murder and finds the word Gluttony smeared into a pile of lard on the wall behind the fridge. M.F is doing all right, he looked behind the fridge after comparing some clues to the scene! Clever Girl!
Gluttony scribed into the grease (click for larger)
So for the rest of the first half hour here isn't much more, just some more character development and research going on. So what do we know? Not much, but we now know they cases are linked so it's a serial killer possibly and the way B.P and M.F play well off each other, some good banter can be a saving grace of a movie.
Now in order to not spoil much for as many people as possible, we stop the main review right there and give a brief overall like and dislike, and then it's baked factor.
Brief Overall - So the movie continues on and we see obviously more murders discover the connections between them and infact we even have a great chase scene when they finally catch up to the killer. More increasingly odd deaths which if you haven't guessed it by now the killer is doing the Seven Deadly Sins. By the end of the movie your mind gets fucked with and depending on your usual or not so usual movie you get an ending worth the time to sit down and watch a movie.
Likes - The story was gripping and had some great twists which are my favorite as long as they arn't to predictable. The acting was top notch for the most part and kept my attention in the movie as opposed to other things. The Ending - which I won't spoil here, but it's an ending that people talk about, long after the movie is over.
Dislikes - Length, now this is because I'm a stoner but 2hr and 7min runtime with really only one or two major action sequences? I mean, I'm stoned! I need entertainment! so it's hard to say.
- Overall rating - Half-Baked (3 out of 5)
*Not the best movie to watch while high, but overall it ends up being a great movie that fucks with your head.*
Now in order to not spoil much for as many people as possible, we stop the main review right there and give a brief overall like and dislike, and then it's baked factor.
Brief Overall - So the movie continues on and we see obviously more murders discover the connections between them and infact we even have a great chase scene when they finally catch up to the killer. More increasingly odd deaths which if you haven't guessed it by now the killer is doing the Seven Deadly Sins. By the end of the movie your mind gets fucked with and depending on your usual or not so usual movie you get an ending worth the time to sit down and watch a movie.
Likes - The story was gripping and had some great twists which are my favorite as long as they arn't to predictable. The acting was top notch for the most part and kept my attention in the movie as opposed to other things. The Ending - which I won't spoil here, but it's an ending that people talk about, long after the movie is over.
Dislikes - Length, now this is because I'm a stoner but 2hr and 7min runtime with really only one or two major action sequences? I mean, I'm stoned! I need entertainment! so it's hard to say.
- Overall rating - Half-Baked (3 out of 5)
*Not the best movie to watch while high, but overall it ends up being a great movie that fucks with your head.*
The Fully Baked Review Guidelines
How we doin everyone?
I'm doing, well I guess. Anyway, down to business. Since we don't have a fully narrowed down way to score these movies, I decided to give a fairly brief synopsis of the movie and it's key points while stoned. Then once that is done, it will be awarded a rank based on the following 1 - 5 based system:
I'm doing, well I guess. Anyway, down to business. Since we don't have a fully narrowed down way to score these movies, I decided to give a fairly brief synopsis of the movie and it's key points while stoned. Then once that is done, it will be awarded a rank based on the following 1 - 5 based system:
- Fully Baked (5 out of 5)
- 3/4 Baked (4 out of 5)
- Half-Baked (3 out of 5)
- 1/4 Baked (2 out of 5)
- Buzzed (1 out of 5)
3/7/09
Welcome to Fully Baked Reviews
Good evening everyone,
Yes as I type this I am indeed stoned, so without further ado...I welcome you all to my blog!
This is going to be a blog all about me, and my reviews. Reviews of what? - pretty much anything.
So, in the next couple days I think I'll try and fit in at least my first Fully Baked Review - of a movie - Seven - Starring Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, and Kevin Spacey. oooo could be a good one!
- Peace for now -
-From - Your Fully Baked Reviewer - HalfBaked_84
Yes as I type this I am indeed stoned, so without further ado...I welcome you all to my blog!
This is going to be a blog all about me, and my reviews. Reviews of what? - pretty much anything.
- Movies
- TV Shows
- Books (ahahaha like I'm gonna read a book while stoned...do graphic novels count?)
- Foods (Any and all kinds, heck I'll even take suggestions if I can)
- Activities (ranging from sex, all the way to going to the bathroom - it might all get reviewed someday!)
- Anything! - Yes I may review anything and everything!
So, in the next couple days I think I'll try and fit in at least my first Fully Baked Review - of a movie - Seven - Starring Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman, and Kevin Spacey. oooo could be a good one!
- Peace for now -
-From - Your Fully Baked Reviewer - HalfBaked_84
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