Director: Michael Bay
Starring: Martin Lawrence, Will Smith, Joe Pantoliano
Tagline: -
Random Trivia: Michael Bay is in the movie as the driver of a car Marcus tries to commandeer.
So a bunch of years pass after the original Bad Boys. Michael Bay puts out Pearl Harbor, Martin Lawrence stinks it up with Black Knight, and Will Smith has the disappointing Men in Black II - although to be honest, he also had Ali.
Which leads us to Bad Boys II, where director and stars will attempt to get each individual career back on track.
In case you were not aware, this film is also set in Miami.
It's equal billing this time. My how the mighty have fallen. Lawrence was panned in Black Night, and really hasn't done much of anything other than Big Momma's House as far as hits go. Seriosuly, it's rather sad as he's way more talented than that gimmick. Whatever. Bay would probably rather shoot a cereal commercial before revisiting Pearl Harbor, and even Smith could use a return to solid action.
So what do we get? One of the most controversial action movies in years. Fuck yeah! It's not that the movie is overly great - it's on par with the original, but it's just a big dumb action movie with shaky cam work. But apparently, some booty shaking and a naked female corpse with a huge rack bloodied the waters, and the censorship happy legions and conservative rightwing nutjobs came out swinging.
We also get one of the most killer opening action sequences around (The Dark Knight has since surpassed it but that's talking apples and oranges).
There's a lot going on here, but in reality, it's all mindless action, so I'll skip to the chase:
As the film opens, Marcus Bennett (Lawrence) and Mike Lowery (Smith) go undercover to raid a bunch of KKK creeps who also happen to be running Ecstasy. The X is being sold in clubs to various slutty looking chicks - see above - in plain sight, making this operation the worst kept secret since Tom Cruise being secretly straight. Err...
The drugs in question belong to Johnny Tapia (Jordi Mollà), who happens to see himself as some sort of Christ-like figure, has an endearing mom with a wicked shotgun, and who has no problem cutting up Russian mobsters and shooting his own cousin for failing him. He also dotes on his daughter whilst threesoming with some of the most brain-dead chicks in the southern U.S.
Class act all around is what I'm trying to say.
Yup, that's one huge-ass pair of dead titties. Once Tapia gets his money for the X, he then smuggles it back to Cuba in bodies.
Meanwhile, Syd, little sister of Marcus, is deep undercover - unbeknownst to him - trying to take Tapia down, when the "Bad Boys" get involved.
There's what little you need to know of the plot.
Bad Boys 2 raked in the dough at the box office, thanks in part to a massive amount of media coverage over gratuitous violence and objectification of women. Wow. Dead boobs managed to steal headlines. I guess it paved the way for the frenzy we had with Anna Nicole Smith going tits up.
Over the course of the film, the guys shoot things, shit blows up, and a good time was had by all. Except most of the people who wound up dead.
Random Pothead Observations:
- Lawrence is wearing a Michael Vick jersey. This is before Vick blew his career by being an inhumane asshole.
- Henry Rollins appears in the opening sequence then pretty much vanishes. He plays the usual Henry Rollins hardass character.
- Rollins' character is also a tool - the guys bust a drug ring, seize a ton of illegal arms, attempted murder charges to go around, and the guy isn't happy.
- Marcus gets no action in either movie. How sad. Let this be a lesson, kids: Never marry.
- Things I never want to personally say: "I smell my ass burning."
One last thing I learned from this movie:
Apparently, rats fuck just like us!
Overall Rating: Half-Baked (3 out of 5)
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