Sand Serpents (2009)

Release Date: 2009
Director: Jeff Renfroe
Starring: Jason Gedrick, Tamara Hope, Elias Toufexis, Sebastian Knapp
Tagline: "Terror Lies Beneath."
Random Trivia: Star Jason Gedrick appeared in both Iron Eagle and Born on the Fourth of July.

Wow. Now this - this is low budget cheese. Of course, Sci-Fi (soon to be SyFy, just shoot me now) also greenlit The Man with the Screaming Brain, so we shouldn't be surprised.

One thing Sand Serpents will never be accused of is false advertising. The movie is about... Sand Serpents. Attacking a U.S. military team fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan. Think Termors, with military guys, fighting low-budget looking Sandworms from Dune. That pretty much sums up this movie.

It's a study in stereotypes, as any cheese B-movie really is. You have the gruff sergeant hiding a soft side and kind heart. He also happens to be black, so he died first. You've got the tough ghetto chick who knows how to boost a car when required. The wussy, constantly complaining guy (thanks to James Cameron's Aliens). The bitchy ex-girlfriend as a boss.



Jason Gedrick plays Stanley, the unit leader. I suppose he's the star. His ex, Henle (Tamara Stone) happens to be along for the mission, tasked with judging whether or not a precious stones operation is, well, operational or not. Oh, yeah, they mostly just get one name.

Even high, thanks to how cardboard each character is, I can at least follow along with who's who! Yay!



The worms do obvious stuff like leave mounds that no one notices initially. And even when we do finally see one, the script gets confused - switching between singular and plural. It wasn't til about two thirds of the way in that we get confirmation of multiple worms, not just one. They also switch between calling them worms, and sand serpents. The latter kicks in about halfway through.



That's right - they down a fucking chopper!

The movie actually gives a little war commentary, showing both Taliban fighters and friendly locals. Surprisingly, this wasn't completely horrid. If it's on, watch it. Don't go out of your way for it, but if you're bored... there's worse movies out there. Several of which I've reviewed recently.

Overall rating: 1/4 Baked (2 out of 5)