The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)

Release Date: 2007
Director: Paul Greengrass
Starring: Mat Damon, Julia Stiles
Tagline: "This Summer Jason Bourne Comes Home."
Random Trivia: Jason Bourne never smiles in the movie, and I never smiled watching it.

Does my random trivia give away my thoughts on this one?

I don't even know where to begin. There's some sort of plot, but it's fucking messy. I've seen the first two movies. The first one was horrible, and the second one I can say that I at least enjoyed for a few action shots.

Lets stick to simple: Jason Bourne still doesn't know who the fuck he is, only that he's a trained killing machine somehow involved with the government. He's all over Europe, and suddenly finds a reporter writing about him in the paper. Seems the reporter has a source who knows the truth about who and what he is. And of course, Bourne needs to find him.



That's all you need to know. Now let me break down all that is wrong with this movie.

It insists upon itself. That's right, Lois. It takes itself far too seriously for a Bond ripoff, and Mat Damon, due to the no smiling policy, gets no decent quips, looks grumpy the whole film (ok so he has reason but no one walks around that pissed off 24/7), and in general, there's no levity at all whatsoever in the movie.

Fuck the plot, as I mentioned. I could barely follow it. I'm not sure if being baked really had much to do with that.

My exact notes: WTF?? WTF?? Did Mat Damon just pull out a dish towel?!? (yup, and he's fighting with it, and there's noises showing how brutal and hard this dish towel or whatever the fuck it is, is. Yeah I worded that horribly. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?).

I can't even make out the action because of the fucking SHAKY CAM! It's giving me a headache. WTF!

Here endeth my notes on the action sequence that is the towel fight.

Seriously, I don't think Paul Greengrass actually filmed any fights. I'm fairly certain that instead, he took a bunch of quick shaky shots of Mat Damon looking angry, badass, etc., and then edited them together with some sound effects to make it seem like there was a fight staged.

It's that bad. This is one of the worst-shot movies I've ever seen in regards to action sequences. At least for any movie that had something resembling a budget.

This is not the most eloquent review, and for good reason: The entire movie was a waste of my fucking time.



Hi Cat. There's a cat looking at me.

I'd attempt to smack the director and producers of this dreck, but on second thought I'll just hastily edit something together to make it look like I did. It worked at the box office for The Bourne Ultimatum...

Overall Rating: Buzzed (1 out of 5)